What Bob Can Teach Us

Don’t worry, this is not a pitch for one of those “The Philosophy of [insert pop culture subject here]” books that most of us only buy because we are desperate to read ANYTHING about said subject.

No, this is something that occurred to me yesterday while going through Season 4, Episode 11 of Soap. Like much of Season 4, I had completely forgotten a brilliant bit in which (spoilers, spoilers) Danny is in hospital after being shot, and Bob is going over his condition with Dr. Saxon:

Bob: OK doc, give it to me straight. What’s the damage to the pancreas, colon, kidneys and duodenum?

Doctor: Well there’s a lateral rupture of one kidney. There’s capsular damage to the other but-

Bob: I see, so there’s a possibility of uremia renal shutdown and peritonitis.

Doctor: I tend to concur.

Chuck [to Bob]: What are you talking about?

Bob: Shut up.

Aside from the obvious comedy in this situation is Soap‘s primary running joke with Chuck and Bob: everybody else forgets that Bob isn’t “real” (though I think there’s a strong case to be made for believing quite the opposite).

What Bob Can Teach Us

I’ve found myself recently believing that one of the keys to happiness in this world of 24/7 information bombardment is refusing to allow yourself to be drawn into the whole dog and pony show, whatever the subject.

For example, it seems that the moment you start getting involved in the “us and them” bickering of politics — bloody Republicans/Democrats/Labor/Torries/Lib-Dems/etc. — you’ve missed any opportunity to maintain your mental health. The 99% vs. the 1%, North vs. South, this team vs. that team, reality TV vs. scripted TV — whatever the skirmish, you lose.

So after watching that episode of Soap yesterday, it suddenly hit me that any time I hear myself devoting the slightest brain power to weighing the merits of the Occupy Wall Street crowd, the Kardashians, the European Union, I’m essentially bickering with Bob. Listen to talk radio and you can hear people up and down whatever great land you happen to live in bickering with Bob.

Now the beauty of Soap is that usually at some point whoever is bickering with Bob will suddenly realize that he’s just a puppet and snap out of it. Yet these days it seems it’s taking us longer and longer to have that moment of clarity when arguing over the same subjects we’ve debated for decades; some of us never experience that epiphany at all.

Yes, all of these subjects (with the possible exception of the Kardashians) require some thought and some action, but increasingly it seems the amount of heart we put into these debates is indirectly proportional to the likelihood we will be able to change anything.

And all things being equal, I think I’d rather argue with the real Bob.

‘Soap’ Compilation Shows Part 2

Hi gang. Just a short posting on this subject again. In the comments section for the last posting on this topic, I said I would try to figure out a way for everybody to see those “best of” shows that have fallen out of circulation.

After wracking my brain for many days now, I keep coming back to the same problem. Just because the copyright owners haven’t distributed these shows doesn’t mean anybody else has a right to make them available in any form.

In the old days I would’ve seriously considered starting some form of the “video circle” where people would send each other VHS dubs of out-of-print movies. While legally hinky, I think most would’ve conceded that so long as no money changed hands and there were no legitimate copies on the market, it fell under fair use, and personal use at that.

Today, unfortunately, to release copyrighted works in digital form “into the wild” in any way, even if you’re just sending it to one other person on disc, makes it too easy for somebody down the line to put it up on a torrent site, and there goes the ball game.

That said, I’m wondering if we shouldn’t start some kind of online campaign to show Sony that there is a market for those lost episodes. If they see enough activity on that front, they may be convinced to make them commercially available.

Thoughts?

 

The ‘Soap’ Compilation Episodes

A hearty thanks once again to Jeff Krueger for the Soap care package he sent me. In addition to the wonderful contemporary clippings about the show, he also sent some video goodies, including the “best of,” or compilation, episodes for each season.

I must admit I’d never before seen these, though I’d seen the VHS copies floating around. Now having seen the ones that ran before Seasons 2, 3 and 4 thanks to Jeff’s generosity, I must say they are strangely puzzling.

What They Are

The idea, of course, was to offer a 1-hour-and-15-minute or so “best of” episode that would easily catch viewers up on what happened the previous season. For example, the best known of the compilations — “Jessica’s Wonderful Life” — originally ran before the start of Season 4 to cover everything that happened in Season 3. (This may also explain why Sony chose not to release the compilations on DVD, the rationale being that if people have access to reasonably priced boxed sets, they have no need to be “caught up.”)

A typical compilation episode will begin with a wraparound story, such as Jessica finding herself at the entrance to heaven in the Season 3 compilation that preceded Season 4 (henceforth known as episode 4.0 to avoid further confusion). The characters in the newly-shot wraparound story will then mention things about the Tates and the Campbells that set up the airing of several clips in a row. If Jessica mentions the problems Burt has had in the last season, for example, we are then treated to various over-the-top scenes of Burt doing crazy things.

Why So Puzzling?

Perhaps it’s unfair to judge the compilations by their wraparound stories alone, but that is what I found myself doing when watching them for the first time. Granted, these episodes had to be written and produced extremely quickly, but it’s hard not to feel a little let down by their contents.

2.0 (Season 1 Wrapup). Burt visits Jessica in jail to let her know that he’s still hunting for Peter’s real killer. Together they go through all the Tates and Campbells, eliminating them from the suspect list one by one. More than anything, this episode reveals that as phenomenal actors as Mulligan and Helmond are, they still need decent material to work with, something utterly lacking here. The least interesting of the three compilation episodes.

3.0 (Season 2 Wrapup). Normally the problem with these  compilation episodes is a lack of interesting new material and unimpressive writing for the wraparound story. This time around, we actually have the opposite problem, with our being told here that Benson is going to work at the governor’s mansion. Jessica, putting off the inevitable parting with Benson, asks him to help her rearrange the furniture in the Tate living room. While they’re doing this, they run through what’s been going on during Season 2. To those who missed this episode, and the Benson pilot, it would appear that Benson simply leaves the Tates after the devil baby fiasco with no explanation. The final scene should’ve definitely been included in the regular run of the series. The last few moments between Jessica and Benson and the bittersweet way he comes up with to avoid a long, drawn out goodbye are utterly heartbreaking.

4.0 (Season 3 Wrapup). This, the compilation that had the greatest chance to succeed, utterly fails to deliver. While the first few minutes of seeing Jessica in heaven’s waiting room are worth watching for the fascinatingly simple set and image of various dead souls walking around, you can’t help but spend the 1 hour and 15 minutes mourning what might have been. Whether it’s the weakness of the writing or the possibility that Bea Arthur was miscast as the angel Rosemary, it’s hard to say. The irony is that Soap wrings more laughs out of one line Jessica delivers in episode 4.1 about her heavenly experiences than are present in all of this episode. (“Anyway Mary, when I was in heaven, I saw mother and she told me to tell you you’re wearing too much eyeliner.”)

Thanks again to Jeff for allowing me to see these for myself 🙂

Soap 1.10: ‘Someday, I guarantee you’re going to hear somebody laughing…’

On Jan. 24, I started rewatching Soap from the very first episode as I begin to flesh out the episode guide portion of Soap! The Inside Story… I thought I would share some of the key moments of the series with everyone along the way.

This is from today’s session: Season 1, episode 10 (1.10).

Though Soap is mostly remembered today for its daring humor, many forget that it also managed to address life’s challenges and absurdities with great sympathy for what it is to be human.

Take the heartfelt pep talk Jodie’s hospital mate, Barney Gerber (Harold Gould), gives him after his breakup with Dennis Phillips. (Gerber has no idea that Jodie has just taken an overdose of pills.)

Barney Gerber [to Jodie, about his first wife]: One day she wakes up, a little lump. Six months later, bing bing, the light goes out on my life. Oh boy. I’ll tell you, I walked around for months, I was doubled over, like somebody slugged me. I went through the normal routine of daily living – I ate, I slept, I went to the bathroom. And in between these three major activities, Jodie, there was a lot of pain. I thought I’m never going to fall in love again.

But a few years later, I met a redhead. Not like my wife, no, entirely different. So I ate, I slept, I went to the bathroom. One day I laughed, and one day I noticed I laughed. Then another day I hummed. Then soon after, I sang. I married her. Oh Jodie, if we weren’t happy… in an entirely different way. It wasn’t better, it wasn’t worse, it was different.

There I was, miserable Barney Gerber, happy again. You see, Jodie, you see how smart I was? I thought I’ll never love again. I thought I’ll never be happy again. I also thought I’ll never have to say goodbye again. Ten years we were happy, Jodie. and then one day some maniac with bourbon in his blood and something on his mind runs through a red light, and stops Barney Gerber right in mid-song.

That was 16 months ago. Since then, I have eaten, I have slept, occasionally I went to the bathroom. And I had a heart attack. So I said ‘Gerber, that’s all, you’re finished, forget it. It’s never going to happen again. Once was wonderful. Twice was incredible. A third time? What, you’re kidding yourself. C’mon, a third time would be asking for a miracle.’

But you know something, Jodie? I don’t really believe that. If I believed that, I wouldn’t be here in this hotel letting them sew Dacron into my heart to hold it together. I wouldn’t be here begging my blood to visit my heart at least a few times a day. I wouldn’t be here at all, Jodie, if I didn’t believe there could be a third time. Listen, I know you don’t feel so terrific right now, but wait, Jodie, wait. Someday, I guarantee you’re going to hear somebody laughing, and you’ll turn around…and it’ll be you.